5/19/2011

Functional Masculinity (5 of 7): Boundaries

Last week we talked about the woe is me principle and how that can tear up and tear down relationships.  Well this week, we'll discuss another thing that can either solidify or destroy relationships, boundaries.

Did you know that our God is a God of Order? God has an order for our lives in every aspect: personal (Colossians 3:1), family (1 Corinthians 11:3/Ephesians 5:21-6:4), career (Colossians 3:20-4:2), church, and community (Colossians 4:5-6). God has a distinct way of doing things and has an Image (Christ, Hebrews 1:3) and Likeness (Fruit of the Spirit, Galatians 5:22-23) that He wants in all things.

So if there's a playbook, why is there so much chaos in the world? Why are so many men acting a donkey? Why is there so much wounding?

DISORDER

While there are disorderly family units, and disorder everywhere...disorder comes from a lack of boundaries which in turn results in undefined dynamics. And an ambiguous dynamic of any kind is just begging for disorder.

Think about it in these terms: Papa was a rolling stone right? (Not necessarily your papa, just saying).

Ever think about why papa was a rollin' stone? The Word distinctly states in Genesis 1 that a man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife...NOT his wife AND ANYone else. The two are supposed to become of one flesh...how can a house divided against itself stand (from the Gospel)? Well if a man has any other Image for marriage other than that designated in 1 Corinthians 11:3 and Ephesians 5 (see previous blog), then he's clearly ignoring a boundary, thusly distorting a definition as dictated by God and creating DISORDER.

It's not just infidelity in marriage...it's the "friend with benefits" piece as well. "If a man looketh at another woman with lust, he has committed adultery in his heart (Matthew 5:28). In Exodus 20, one of the 10 Commandments to to NOT do this (reverberated several places in the New Testament). Now is it possible to not desire a dynamic like "friends with benefits" without engrossing ourselves in the Lord and His Way?
Answer: NOPE

Otherwise it wouldn't be desirable. It's going to clash with godliness (Galatians 5:17).

However, it's not just lust. Greed (No one can serve two masters, he shall love one and hate the other; you cannot serve God and wealth [Matthew 6:24]). A man ignoring this boundary cannot be the Biblical man that God set out for the 1st Adam but didn't get until the 2nd Adam (Christ). How can a man die to himself if he's stuck in financial self-preservation?  Or any form of self-preservation?

Answer: He' can't.

What happens when boundaries are ignored? Well...
1) Folk get hurt...
2) The Holy Spirit is grieved...
3) Spiritual accounts are disrupted...

And we must keep Communion and fellowship with God including a comprehensive self-examination (1 Corinthians 11:27-32) only speak in a manner that edifies the Spirit (Ephesians 4:29), keep the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:16, 22-23), and Love God with all our hearts/thy neighbor as thy own flesh (Matthew 22:35-40).

Now don't get it flipped; women are just as subject to this as men...but it simply has a different effect when it starts with the man (again, 1 Corinthians 11:3). Now Joe Blow off the street won't have the influence necessary to create dysfunctional femininity from his dysfunctional masculinity...I'm talking about solidified dynamics (dating, "dating" ("friends with benefits"), relationships, marriage, etc.)



I could go on about ignoring boundaries forever. But what's the solution...?

1) Men, we gotta examine ourselves (1 Corinthians 11:27-32). Keep short (but candid) accounts with God about everything we do and let
2) We gotta take all thoughts captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-6). Principalities penetrate the mind and drive us to do ungodly things (And ignoring ANY boundary set by GOD through His Word is ungodly).  Remember, it only takes one unchecked thought to tear down everything we've built.
3) Seek first the Kingdom and its righteousness (Matthew 6:33).
4) Make sure all of our decisions are guided BY SCRIPTURE ALONE, because it's the gold standard for living our lives (2 Timothy 3:16-17).
5) Again the 
5) For when 1-4 fail, we must confess our sins so that God may clean us up (1 John 1:9) and make sure we don't condemn ourselves, for there is no condemnation for those in Christ (Romans 8:1). For unforgiveness and self-condemnation choke growth, propagate poor behavior patterns, and ALSO lead to ignoring of God-set boundaries.  But let us remember while there is no condemnation in Christ, that our actions do have consequences, and those consequences work even for a greater good that we may come back into fellowship with God through our Lord, Savior, and Intercessor, Jesus Christ.

If we can keep these things in mind, fellas, we can show the ladies and all those around us what functional masculinity looks like.   And next time I'm going to talk about what that looks like from a comprehensive standpoint.  Until then, God bless.